On my way to loving myself
I started my Self-Love journey in 2010, when I was 32 years old and going through a rough time. One of my friends recommended I listen to Tony Robbins. On one of his programs, he asks the listener to write down ten things that they love about themselves.
So there I was, sitting in front of the blank paper with a pen in my hand, searching, going deep within, trying to find something I loved about who I am. And there was nothing but the realization of how much I hated and resented myself.
Most of my life I was not happy with my body, and I knew that, but I had no idea that I disliked every part of my being.
I was shocked. Tears followed and a promise that I would not live another second with this self-hatred. What is the point of that life?
I took an oath that I would love myself no matter what. With practice, I got so much better at self-love. I learned to embrace my body, my emotions, my needs, and my life with all my mistakes. Or so I thought.
Six years later, I am here to confess all the things I have against love, regardless of whether it is love for myself or others.
The question of love has come up in my life again, because I realized what a genius I have been about disguising self-judgment. Even though I became much more accepting of myself, I was constantly striving to be better and trying to live up to the expectations made up in my mind about who I was supposed to be.
This constant need to fix what I thought wrong with me dimmed the love I could feel for myself. The way I treated myself is how I treated you. And I humbly ask your forgiveness for that.
Today I realize that the way I expressed myself in my life did not match what was in my heart. No one needs fixing, neither you nor me. We are perfect!
Yes, at this moment you and I, with all our flaws-if there is such a thing as a flaw-because that is a judgment and comparison to what? And who sets the bar?
We don’t need to be better; we don’t need to be anyone other than who we are. Accepting that is the key to self-love and accepting that about others is the key to sharing unconditional love.
Diving deeper, learning more about self-love
The following questions arose, showing me how much resistance I had to love:
- How can I love myself with all my flaws?
- How can I love myself and still grow?
- How do I express love without giving up my needs and myself?
- How can I love the people who hurt me, without being hurt again?
- How can I love the people who judge me and bully me?
- How can I love the people who don’t love me back?
- How can I love when I feel betrayed?
- How can I love when I don’t feel loved?
- How can I love…..?
I sat patiently for days, digesting this and asked myself:
How can I be more loving and kind to myself?
And how can I be more understanding, kind and loving to others?
How can I collapse the walls around my heart and express the love I feel for you without fear?
The answer was:
Forgiveness, acceptance, and healthy boundaries instead of walls.
Today I am learning to forgive myself and others. We are all the same at our core; we all want the same things, we all want to feel loved, accepted and be happy. I believe we are all doing the best we can, at every moment of our lives. At least I know I am, and that makes me think you are too. It might be difficult to grasp, but right now, we are at our best! Can you forgive yourself for what you did not know before you learned it?
When I try to hold on to the pain, the disappointments about myself, life and others, I feel sad, restricted, I feel smaller, more defensive and closed off. As I become more forgiving, I feel more elevated, open and light, and I look at others with less fear and more understanding and kindness. More love.
Forgiveness comes with acceptance.
I am learning to embrace myself as I am. As I free myself from the never-ending self-judgment, I feel lighter, more relaxed and liberated. I finally can experience unconditional love for myself.
The very challenging part for me about learning to love without conditions is that I thought, I had to give up myself to love someone. I felt my needs, my feelings and my voice did not matter when I loved, and I had plenty of people in my life who supported this false belief.
Today I know I can love without having to do that. And If I choose to remove myself from a situation that does not feel healthy, it does not have to come with judgment or resentment of others, but can happen with forgiveness and acceptance of situation and people involved. This way I can love freely without boundaries.
What do you think of unconditional love?
How do you love yourself?
How would you feel if someone chose to only see your light and not focus on your flaws at all?
Judgment is endless in our society today, but there is not enough unconditional love.
Where focus goes, energy flows, says Tony Robbins. We can all concentrate on our own and each other’s light and make it bigger and brighter, or we can all sink into the darkness of our flaws and imperfections.
Which one will you choose?
I chose LOVE and LIGHT, and I wish you the same!